Bitter Merchants Guild

$30.00
17 item(s)
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Ahh... retail sales... the last bastion of the desperately unemployed and hopefully a way station on the road to a meaningful or at least less heinous career (like portosan cleaning or siphoning used motor oil w/out a pump...). But just because you have to patiently deal with the chronic indecision coupled with the divine sense of entitlement found in the average shopper doesn't mean you have to take it standing up. The Bitter Merchants Guild, held a secret for so long that many wondered if, like the Illuminati or the "trickle down theory", it was just a folktale told to young "sales associates" to give them hope in a bleak retail wasteland, is now finally revealed in all it's snarky, sweet-tongued glory. Never again will you feel alone in your thinly veiled contempt of those who make you suffer because they want. Founded after many years in the bloody trenches of cash or charge warfare by the mysterious Professor Prudar, the BMG has become a legendary cabal of sales clerks, ladies in waitressing, short-order kooks, harried crafters and other counter-culture types who share the same, lofty goal: to unobtrusively teach the American consumer some damned respect if not common sense. (You will never know you have met a skilled Bitter Merchant until long after you get home with the goods they have convinced you to willingly shell out your shekels for, and only then if you can accurately identify that vague sense of unease that you may have been insulted repeatedly with words your thesaurus doesn't have...) When a knowledgeable patron (they're rare but, like Scare Goat, they DO exist...) sees the BMG pin bravely affixed to your suspenders amid the clusters of "flair" and other red badges of steerage, they will know in the sub-cockle region of theirs hearts that you are a serious professional and not some worker drone set there to jaw & jaw them like a flat-headed midget under a Coney Island pier. The Guild motto ("Emptor Est Excordis") says all anyone needs to know: "The Customer is an Idiot".